The Toughest Mother’s Day Yet
Oh, Mothers Day. It’s a day of breakfasts being made by dads or little hands. It’s a day of appreciation to the super heroes of the everyday grind. And it’s a day that holds many many emotions, for all of us.
Not gonna lie, it’s a good day because my husband and kids always spoil me, but it’s a very hard day because I have been without my mom for almost 2 decades.
How do you celebrate Mother’s Day without a mom? How do you rejoice when your heart still hurts?
I know my sisters and I have always done our best to celebrate our mama. With continued birthday celebrations and Mother’s Day get togethers, and even getting together and celebrating her life on the anniversary of her death.
But it’s still hard. Navigating these feelings don’t come easy, no matter how much time has passed.
And on top of all that, this year is EXTRA heavy for me. Why? Because I am now a mom of a baby that has another mom.
It’s a whirlwind of emotions and my heart hurts for her. And although she is not a part of his life, she will always be a part of his life. That’s his biological mother, and no matter what, this day must be really hard for her.
I know I’m not the only one. This day is weird. There are women that chose not to become mothers, women trying to be mothers, and women in all stages of motherhood.
We all hold so many emotions towards this day. Some have lost children, some have gained children through foster care/adoption or even through marriage. Some women are step moms, grandma moms, or mentor moms.
We all are women and we all perceive and analyze this holiday differently.
This year though, this year is a tough one for me.
I’ve been praying about it and doing my best to be positive. But the truth is that there’s a baby in my arms that sees me as his mama, but doesn’t know the facts yet. That there’s a baby that I love with all my being and only God knows how long I’ll get to hold him close.
But, I’m forever grateful God gave me him to love and pray for. For however long He has chosen.
See, it’s a whirlwind of emotions.
Sometimes foster care and this whole adoption process is very lonely. Lonely because you have all these emotions that you just don’t know how to decipher, and there’s no one around that can understand. How do you explain the love and the pain happening simultaneously?
All I can do is lean into and put my trust in God. The One that got me through grieving my mother, the One that made me a mother, and the One that’s holding it all together now during this whole foster to adoption journey.
So no matter where YOU are or what you think of this day, know you’re not alone. You should feel and let out all the emotions and know that it’s ok. You’re ok. God’s got you. He hears you. And He is either weeping with you or rejoicing with you. But He is there and He knows.
Happy Mother’s Day. Whether you’re a mom or not. You have/had a mom, so I’m with you. We’re all on the same train. The trains are just going in different directions. 😉