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Waiting in the waiting..

I don’t like being late, I dislike getting ready and waiting on others, and I’m impatient if I’m not qualified to drive in the carpool lane. Now that we got that out of the way, you can see that waiting is clearly not my style. I am a go getter by nature and as an Enneagram 3, accomplishing goals brings me life.

So, as a waiting foster mom, I feel like I’m pregnant without the positive test or the expected due date. Let me tell you now that everything about becoming a foster parent is a rollercoaster ride, and we haven't even had a baby in our arms yet. 

Let me explain..

I’m waiting for a child to take care of during the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic. I’m basically waiting in a waiting period. And it’s funny that God has me here, because He knows waiting makes me uncomfortable. Like really irritable and grouchy.  I know that He is testing me. Testing my patience, my faith, my controlling tendencies, my focus, my contentment because in this very situation there is LITERALLY nothing I can do but wait.

I am not pregnant with a due date, I have no idea what size the baby is compared to a fruit or a vegetable, and there is nothing I can do to make the fostering process move forward any faster. We are already certified, and the baby’s room is all set up-with decor, diapers, and daydreams. So I am waiting. Correction, we as a family are waiting. Waiting for the call. Waiting to see how it comes about and what happens when it does. I am waiting and I am praying, and that’s all there’s left to do.

Being a waiting foster parent is the strangest thing. I am praying for a baby to enter our home so that we can take care of it, show it love, and give it hope and structure. But for us to have a baby to love on, that means that a birth family must go through something unspeakable to have their baby placed in my arms. See, it’s a weird prayer and a weird situation. Of course I don’t want bad things to happen in the world or to children, that’s why we became a foster family, but we know that it will happen anyway. So my prayers are for the hearts of the family, the well being of the birth parents and child, the situation to not be too traumatic, and for us to be prepared for whatever may come our way.

Waiting in the waiting. 

It’s unsettling really. Entering a baby’s room that does not have an occupant’s arrival date. The decor that says adventure, the clothes in the drawers, the bath all just sits there. I don't know what the baby will look like, what the baby will need, and what size the baby will be! Whether it’ll be in newborn clothes or 2T, it’s literally out of my control.

We are used to uncertainty. As business owners, and just plain crazy folk, uncertainty is the name of the game in our lives. And yes I know that building a business is not even on the same planet as growing your family through foster care, but you have to be a special kind of different to do either. Building businesses from scratch is never easy and also has the huge uncertainty factor stamped on it. Our family has always done things differently, so in reality, expanding our hearts and family through foster care isn’t that big of a stretch for us. But, like anything else, I just didn’t picture it like this. And we haven’t even started yet.

This waiting is a lot.

We waited years to pull the trigger, and then we got certified in 79 days, and now we have waited longer for “the call” than it took for the state of California to deem us fit. So now, all we can do is focus on what we can control. And our focus is literally all that is.

So, I choose to focus on the joy that this journey will bring and has already brought, I choose to be happy in this extra quarantine time with my family of three, and I choose to continually pray. For the birth family, for the baby, the social workers, and for us. I choose to focus on the preparation of my heart and home, and the rest is up to God. The Time Maker.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.”

Psalm 130:5 

As I wait, I will put my hope on God. He is working all things for good while I wait. I have hope because of the faith I keep on the One that led me here. God is my strength, help, and peace. I waited years to get here and I can wait some more knowing His timing is perfect. 

Waiting leads us to worship. Worship redirects our focus to Him. He knows what is best. With foster care, with the pandemic, and with the waiting in the waiting. He is good, He is kind, and He is in every outcome whether the answer is no, yes, or amen.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

Ps. In California, calls for child abuse are down 50% since the beginning of the pandemic. Pray for those children. Because we all know that child abuse itself has not gone down 50%, if anything it has probably gone up with the quarantine. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. If the unthinkable can happen when people aren't isolated and afraid, then I don't even want to imagine what is happening now. My heart is heavy, and all we can do is pray, wait, and put our trust on the Lord.


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