“Don’t grow weary of getting older- it’s a privilege many don’t have.”
Today is the 20th anniversary of my mother's passing. And it's extremely hard to wrap my head and heart around the fact that it’s been THAT long. That so much time has passed.
That my almost 36 year old self can think back to my almost 16 year old self and just want to hug her.
It's been 20 years of mourning.
20 years of wishing it wasn’t so.
20 years of daydreaming her here.
20 years of acceptance and healing.
20 years of honoring her legacy and memory.
20 years of hoping we’re making her proud.
I find comfort in pausing and thinking about how she may not have been here on earth very long- but her impact has remained. And that says a lot about the mother and woman she was.
My mother was beautiful, strong, and resilient. She was a wonderful soul. Her laugh was loud and contagious. Her lips were deep red and her hair was jet black. She loved hard and was such a powerhouse.
I miss her terribly, but in my mourning I find the love for a mother that can never be taken. I find healing. I find hope. I find appreciation to even call her mine.
I posted this on social media bright and early, then I got ready and headed to a work meeting. Because life simply always moves forward. Whether your heart is heavy or not. I met with a designer that knew my husband growing up, his son is Jakob's age. And as we're discussing work and our partnership, the conversation pivoted to my recent Tennessee trip and the church launching. It pivoted again to his stage 4 cancer diagnosis from 6 years ago. You read that right- stage 4, 6 years ago. I asked him what he did to be so healthy now, and that's why I'm typing this story here because I know it will impact you, like it did me. He informed me that he did minimal treatment for the cancer and he chose quality of life over quantity of life. He told me a friend was diagnosed with cancer when he was, and that they planned to battle together. Unfortunately, his friend's battle was short- but before he passed he told him that he did ONE THING every morning. I wake up and say what I'm grateful for. Then I pray for strength. Then I pray for understanding. Then I pray for more gratitude. *cue the tears and chills* He said he took that daily practice on and has been doing it for 6 years. And I stood there staring at him in awe. His doctor says he's a miracle, and I know that to be true. So friend, PLEASE take that nugget with you. The nugget that no matter what is happening in life- you must be grateful, you must pray, and you must ask for more things to be grateful for. And on the 20th anniversary of my mother's passing- I knew God gave me this “work meeting" so I can grab hold of this nugget myself AND pass it on to you.
I wrote an ebook about my mother's passing and my healing, 3 years ago. It’s still available (for free download) on my website. A work I am so proud to share because the words and the healing were given to me by God. I pray they help you, or someone you know, in the grieving and healing journey too. Access it here
Xoxo,
Stephanie
Your "grateful" friend