Mama, do you know..

This past weekend was a tough one for my mama heart. It involved me taking my 8 year old to her third ER trip. Three trips that have involved stitches or glue. Those three trips were all for injuries to her face. And I know the vanity that comes from saying the location of her injuries because ANY injury to your babies are painful to our mama hearts, but let me tell you there’s something different about staring at your child’s face and seeing black and blue bruises, tears and swelling, and scars. It is just not something any parent wants to see when looking at their baby’s face. The scars so prominently remind you of what you did wrong and when those scars are on what you look at all day every day, it’s not so fun.

Either way, the ER trip ended well (thank the good Lord) and afterwards I realized my mama heart was on full on GO mode throughout the whole incident. Get in, get her helped, and let’s do what needs to be done to protect her.

But that night, and the next couple days, I was crippled with mom guilt. The whys and the what if’s ate at me. I’ve experienced mom guilt before (previous past two ER trips for example) and women talk about mom guilt often, but when you’re in it, like truly in it-it consumes you.

You can’t stop the whys, the what ifs, the or or ors, the I could have, and I should haves. It’s one of the toughest things to pull out of. But something that has to be done because the whys don’t help, the ors don’t make it better, and the I should haves can’t erase what happened.

Mom guilt is a monster. One that creeps under the bed and rears it’s ugly head when you least expect it. You don’t want it to come out because it’s scarier than anything else that can come out. Why? Because it challenges your motherhood and it questions your abilities. And mamas don’t do well with that.

But mama friend, I hope you know you’re not alone in the guilt you feel or have felt or will feel one day.