I used to share a lot about my fitness journey. Not so long ago really. But I made a conscious choice to stop. My imposter syndrome was real and I was sharing about health, when in reality my mental health around fitness and nutrition as always been a struggle.
I’m sharing this now (ironically) only because there are things in our lives that we can and should keep out of the public eye. That healing can stay and should stay private sometimes.
So, you won’t see me share much about fitness (and my meals) anymore, unless it’s about movement for mental clarity and that’s because I haven’t healed from the scars I’ve made in this space.
Decades of diet culture have really messed me up and it’s not an easy road to navigate through. It’s like I have the map but I can’t read the key.
It’s truly my biggest battle with God. One full of prayer and repentance. The thorn in my side. One that has me needing to HONOR the temple He has given me, not idolize it.
Recently, I heard a podcast that asked a holistic doctor this question:
How do we take care of ourselves without idolizing the process?
And his answer made my morning.
His response was: to examine our hearts. Jesus didn’t think what the Pharisees did was a sin, it was their heart condition that made it one.
Example: washing your hands before eating isn’t a law in Christianity, it actually is a good practice though. But WHY do you do it? What’s your heart posture with the act?
So, do you eat the way you do to look a certain way? Or do you do it to honor the body God gave you?
Do you exercise to fit in a certain pair of jeans? Or do you move your body because you know it gives you longevity?
For years and years I did the first. I ate restrictively “healthy” and worked out to look a certain way. And it’s taken a lot of prayer and self reflection to break that mindset down. But I’m getting there.
I share in hope that you honor over idolize. It doesn’t have to be your body, it can be anything you think is “good” but you’ve taken it too far.
Ask yourself WHY you’re doing it?
Look at your MOTIVES and heart posture.
After those answers, you’ll know which road you’re on and if you should get off or stay on it.
Continue to reflect, to pray, to ask. It’s going to take time. For me, it took time to even break down the walls that I was being naive about the situation.
And even though I knew I was idolizing, I called it honoring. That’s not a good place to be. And by God‘s grace, I see the truth now, so I’m running after the right road with the correct heart posture. It’s still a daily battle.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.“
Your friend that battles too ❤️